Okay, imagine in what Universe this would be fair,
to take 1 Country Act and let it compete against the split vote of two Popular
Acts, and then allowing the Country Act to win with a minority of the
vote. This is about what happened – the Cowboy
Hat Act got about 42% of the Vote. Carly
Ann Sonenclar got 41% of the vote, but the other Popular Girl Act got 17% of
the vote. Carly Rose would have needed
only 2% more of the vote to beat Potato “Tate” Stevens, and if the vote had
been only Him against Her then she probably would have won with a better than a
12% margin of victory. Now that would
have been the obviously fair way to conduct the competition, but they didn’t do
that, did they. You know, in many
Democracies they never allow a ‘Winner’ with less than 50% of the Vote, or they
do a run off Election. X-factor needs to
conform to at least a common sense level of ethics. Already one of their Judges has resigned –
the Black One, no less. I suppose the remaining
Judges are Stupid, or think We are.
Also, I was thinking, that this split the Yankee
Vote strategy could only win if the Dixie Cowboy Hat Vote was not also fragmented. But notice, from the very beginning, there
was only 1 Cowboy Hat Act. Was ‘Tater’
Steven ever any good? Well, no better or
worse than the big fat full voice that can be found in any small town church
choir. But he was the ONLY Cowboy hat to
show up, and so he was going to be the Predestined Winner of X-Factor. That is simply how the Demographic Math
goes. You see, the Yankees, on both the
West and East Coasts and in the Upper Mid-West, they will divide their votes
fairly for whatever talent they see and hear, Black or White, Rock or Pop. Whereas the Red States, the Bible and Incest
Belt, those States largely suspected of callous and severe bigotry, well, they
would vote only for a Cowboy Hat Act, not so much because they particularly
like the talent, but that they would do anything to spite the Yankee Vote. Do you think I am overly cynical? Well, note the History of the Dixie Chicks, where
the South was willing to jeer and harass and chase even its own name-sakes into
exile for breaking with some perceived notion of Southern Solidarity against
the Yankees. And, now look how all of those
Red States suddenly want to withdraw from the United States of America and
become their own little Hateful Republics because a Black Man won the
Presidency… again… one time and they can take it as some kind of a historic joke,
useful for telling the Minorities of America and the World that American Racism
no longer exists and so they need to stop their crying about all the still
apparent Institutionalized Racism; but then to let the Blacks win the Presidency
twice, well, that is no longer funny or useful and so they apparently find it
intolerable against their Family Values, that, well, that the people in power
have to be the same color as the rest of their family… and wear Cowboy Hats as
a symbol of their Solidarity with the South and their implacable Hatred of
Everybody Else. So Dixie was just voting
for the Tater’s Hat, and to spite the rest of the World who was voting for that
funny looking little yankee girl with the foreign sounding name.
Now, why would the X-Factor Producers rig it up so
that some no-talent Cowboy Hat would win their big prize – a 5 Million dollar
Recording Deal. Well, what exactly does
Ol’ Tater win anyway? How much of the 5
Million Dollars goes his way? Probably
not much. What is really going on, I
suspect, is that the Producers of the X-factor Show are also financially
intertwined with the Record Company that will receive the 5 Million dollars for
the “Record Deal”. In effect, they are
paying the money to themselves – the right hand giving the 5 million dollars to
their own left hand… but behind the back, so to speak. They want a Cowboy Hat Act to win, because,
well, that is probably the kind of musicians they have under contract, and the
kind of Tour Map they are used to. They
probably bave a few Cowboy Song Songwriters under contract who will now set to
work tossing together a few generic Country Western Songs – faithful dogs,
pickup trucks, and either laments concerning horribly slutty unfaithful girlfriends
or wives, or impossibly idealistic love songs to perfectly virtuous female
paragons, as though they are making love to their sisters and mothers, and not
those real girls that they meet in the real world – the ones that end up being
so slutty and unfaithful. Anyway,
Country Music is now hardly very creative, and it is enough to simply do the
same old thing over and over again, just barely shuffling the same old words around
and a bit of a tempo change between the same old chords. But, what else is their Audience going to go
off and see? They are a captive audience,
just as limited in their choice as the Gays in New York, who have to go see the
same old stupid formulaic Broadway Plays that are offered or not see anything
at all, but they certainly will never just stay home. So it is that the country music fans will go
and see whatever Cowboy Hat the record companies trot around for that
season. But it is kind of sad for
Little Fat Boy Ol’ Tater Stevens. He is
doomed from the start. He is really
nothing but a Wannabee Garth Brooks, in a World where the Real Garth Brooks has
been shuffled off as, well, “old hat”, that is, old cowboy hat. The public has already had it with overweight
clean cut family values big full voice church choir tenors. It is either that, or, Garth Brooks, who
epitomizes such a classic type, would be somewhere now making new records and
touring his big fat butt off, instead of
being, well, somewhere in the middle of Country Nowhere wishing he had a
good Day Job like Tater does.
Anyway, no hard feelings, Tater, I’m sure you weren’t
smart enough to know you were winning a rigged game… your innocence in this Scandal
is probably beyond reproach. Oh, You do you know what is going to happen,
don’t you? They will take 5 minutes to get you to record
about 12 songs – some famous covers, and
a few of those generic original songs by the record company hacks, and whatever
was your signature song during the X-Factor extravaganza . It will be a mix of ballads and up-tempo
stuff. It will come out sounding like
Taylor Swift sung by an Old Fat Guy. Nothing
will be great, and the production values will be cheezy. I don’t think that the 5 Million dollars will
be frittered away paying for Studio Time, the Best song writers and the finest studio
musicians, no, not if it will take away from the Executive Pay Budget. Yes, do make it point to see the Accounting Sheets
for that 5 Million Dollar Deal, and see what the Producers of X-Factor are
cutting themselves in for, and what the Executives and Owners of the Record
company cut themselves in for. Oh, next. You will go on tour to all the big Country
Music Stops, on a Bus – again, all the costs coming out of ‘your’ 5 million
dollars. Cross your fingers that they
don’t make you provide and set up your own equipment. You will be promoted, more or less, as that
big Fat X-Factor Cowboy Hat that was able to keep that little Yankee Foreign B__h
from winning. But you already did that,
right? Why should they see you Now? So, guess what? The Record Company won’t simply rely on
you. No, you will have an Opening Act,
and probably a Second Act, that your Record Company actually has under something
of a more permanent contract, and which they actually have some lasting stake
in. Yes, you will eventually be allowed to
trot out on stage. But rest assured that
your Record Company already has plans for a third or maybe even a forth act to
keep the crowd happy if you turn out to be a big flop. Oh, and if you do suspect that the Record
Company is unhappy, then, well, it sounds paranoid, but begin buying your own
food and don’t eat or drink anything they provide. You see, if you get ‘sick’ then you can probably
be replaced on Your own Tour Schedule.
Just look at your Contract
No comments:
Post a Comment