Enemas Will Save Your Life and Ease Hemorrhoids

Note from the Future: I found I was washing a lot of very necessary minerals from my digestive track (probably Calcium most of all), which was giving me extremely low blood pressure and Night Cramps in my legs. So don't overdo those High Colonics and try to minimize the amount of water used in your enemas. Aim at only evacuating the lower colon. For the higher colon and the small intestines -- let them do their job of absorbing nutrients and minerals.

I once read a Study somewhere that stated that most men and many women die on the pot, struggling to the death with their bowel movements. The Public is kept in the dark about this Grave Danger because the doctors who determine Cause of Death, to save the families from embarrassment, write down that all these people died of Heart Attacks. Well, yes, technically speaking, their hearts did stop. But would the Heart Attack have occurred in the absence of some big and stubborn impacted turd? Likely not.

Oh, struggling with one’s bowel movements can lead to less dire consequences than an untimely death. A huge proportion of men, and even some women, eventually have to seek healthcare in regards to hemorrhoids. Now, nothing in this Paper pretends to any official medical authority… I am just a Blogger, and can’t even tell you exactly what a hemorrhoid is, or what piles are. But I have heard anecdotally of people virtually pooping their guts out – that the lower intestine actually projects out through the anus, their intestine being somewhat turned inside out. It is very tender tissue and is prone to bleeding. Of course, these people find it necessary to go to a Doctor. Certainly it is the best course of action… in every Civilized Country but America, where one would reasonably be afraid of alerting one’s Health Insurance Company that one might actually require Health Care, which could perhaps double one’s premium rates overnight. Oh, and once a health problem is declared, it becomes a Pre-existing Condition, and no longer the responsibility of the American Health Care System. It is a Wonderful System for the Capitalists and their Lap Dog Lobbyists and Politicians, all Democratically Elected which makes it all honest right and proper, the proper procedures being followed so that none of the millions of dollars changing hands constitutes Bribery, and none of the deliberate Harm being done to people constituting Criminal Misconduct or Treason. Thank God for Democratic Elections or all these people would be Crooks! You know, it is interesting what happens when the Foxes are so completely put in charge of the Hen Houses. The Health Insurance Companies have been allowed to make all of their own rules, and they virtually write their own oversight Regulations. It becomes almost Perfect, not at providing health care, but at accumulating profits. Just look at it – They Collect Premiums and ever evolve the System so they can approach the Perfect State of having to pay out absolutely nothing in return for all that money they collect. Its approaching Pure Profit. I suppose they can rationalize away any moral concern by telling themselves that the people are inevitably going to die anyway, so where’s the harm? Rich People can always afford to go to their Doctors, and so nobody of consequence is ever inconvenienced. Oh, and Obama, Our Blessed Savior, plans to make the System EVEN BETTER, by making EVERYBODY pay the Health Insurance Companies, for the Nothing that they will give back. You know, we must remember that all that Campaign Money Obama was tossing around must have come from somewhere. I would guess every health care insurance employee in America was pressured into funneling ‘company bonus checks’ to the Obama Campaign, in the same way as things are done by the Defense Industry in both America and Israel – bonus checks being handed out to employees just as Tables are set up everywhere manned with clerks ready to sign all this money over to the Chosen Lobbyist Organizations – Company Money all properly laundered through little individuals… just like the one’s that got Obama elected.

Anyway, enough with politics, and back to trying to stay alive despite not having Medical Care. So, there are probably many people who wonder what they can do about their guts hanging out of their butts if they cannot go to a Doctor about it. Well, again, I don’t mean to pretend any medical authority, but if one is not overly squeamish, one might consider simply stuffing the lower colon back in where it came from. Yes, once the intestine projects out of the anus, often it swells up and it would seem impossible to stuff it back. This is a real problem. Often the swelling is aggravated by bowel movement straining, sending more blood into the area. Anyway, the good news is that the swelling does go down, given enough time. Sometimes it takes hours. An astringent like Witch-hazel can often help with the swelling. Anyway, once the swelling goes down a bit, from what I have heard, the colon can be pushed back into where it came out from.

Well, that can take care of the problem at each time that it presents. But it is the straining to evacuate impacted feces that causes this problem and makes it chronic. What can be done about that?

My mother told me about Enemas. My impression was that enemas were disgusting things – invasive and humiliating. But my proud mother had found them necessary, and had even spoke of them, which would certainly be embarrassing for her, but she wanted me to have the information. That must have meant something.

Beginning to experience many of the above mentioned problems, I went on line and read about enemas, being forced by circumstances to give them some consideration. What I found was that many people use enemas in lieu of laxatives, even using them combined with intestinal irritants, the case being that most laxatives are really just intestinal irritants. But if one has hemorrhoids then many sites suppose it is extremely ill-advised to use intestinal irritants, as they would only intensify the urge to strain the bowels which make the hemorrhoids worse than before.

So the logic of the situation would indicate that enemas should not be used in conjunction with laxatives or intestinal irritants. Other sites propose additives to the enema water, which may help incrementally, but I have found that water additives only present one more complication to something that is complicated enough already and should be kept as easy as possible.

The pre-mixed enema bottles that one can buy are relatively small. I think the normal sized ones come in about 4.5 ounces, while the large extra-big sizes are about 7.5 ounces. The fluid that comes in them has a laxative effect. In its proper place it all may be quite good, but I would empty them out and save the squeeze bottles which can be reused and then use them with just plain old warm tap water.

How much water should one inject? I have heard of colonics and such, but have not found much solid information. When I started using enemas I started with a few bottles of water, but found that it was possible to fill up my bowels with about 8 bottles of the 7.5 ounce size. One quite feels when one is getting full of water. The instructions tell one that one can get down on one’s knees and learn forward, or lift up the left leg. I do that. I let the water swish around. I even jump up and down a bit to shake things loose. Soon enough there is the urge to evacuate it out.

Now, it does not all happen instantaneously. It may take about 6 to 10 minutes after one has sat down on the pot. There may be 3 or 4 periods of evacuation in addition to just instances where just water seems to come out. It is important not to strain. Just let it come and go as it will. Just sitting on the pot may not be the best thing to do, and sometimes standing up for a moment or two will bring on the next evacuation episode. Experience will tell you when you are finished.

My grandmother taught me a terribly harmful practice, that only seems to be very useful, and that is to massage the gut while taking a bowel movement, in such a way as to force the materials downward and outward. Yes, it apparently works, but the problem arises where this massaging gives one the urge to strain. Also there is often bleeding accompanying this kind of intestinal massage. I wondered what could cause the bleeding, and it occurred to me that if there were any fecal solids, or edgy contaminants (such as little woody sticks from the spice jar, or nuts that were not completely chewed), then the action of the intestinal massage would only push these hard and edgy materials into the delicate tissues of the lower intestine. Anyway, no matter what your Grandma taught you, DON’T massage your gut. Keep straining to a minimum. After 6 to 10 minutes, what wants to come out will come out, and you will feel finished. That’s fine. You don’t have to rush it.

If any of your bowel becomes distended, projecting out of your anus by a fraction of an inch or so, well, if you have managed not to strain, then it should not be all too swollen. Simply dab it with some toilet paper soaked in Witch-hazel, an astringent, and then push it back in where it came from. If one is squeamish about touching such a nasty part of one’s self, then one can use a delicate cotton handkerchief, maybe folded over once or twice and soaked in Witch-hazel, to push the projected intestine back where it belongs.

Are these enemas effective. I would decide yes. In just a few weeks while adopting these practices, all my problems ‘south of the border’ entirely disappeared, or became so manageable as to become hardly worth worrying about anymore.

Oh, enemas may seem to be inconvenient, but really they have an advantage. Now I hardly ever go to the bathroom out of the urge of necessity. Now it is largely a scheduled activity. I schedule my enemas for every two days. Now, this may vary from person to person. Myself, I do not eat a great deal. I am on a perpetual diet. I skip breakfast and lunch, only allowing myself an afternoon snack and an evening supper. People who are eating all the time may have to schedule their enemas more often. However, you can compare my schedule of enemas, once every two days, to what had been happening before when I relied only on the urge to have a Bowel Movement, when I averaged only about one and a half bowel movements per week. So of course the fecal material was impacting and solidifying.

Oh, I can guess from experience that Nature has its own way of dealing with impacted feces, and that is that after too long a time the fecal material actually rots and thereby liquefies, giving one symptoms akin to diarrhea. Of course, having rotten fecal material in your system would probably make you feel sick, and that in addition to perhaps making one’s general health turn toward the morbid side.

As for the scheduled bowel movements that enemas make possible, one feels clean afterwards. One has a certain sense of security that one can go out in public, without gassiness or the possibility of having the embarrassing interruption of having to go to the bathroom, even of stinking up somebody’s house. Only rarely am I ever confronted by that old urge to go to the bathroom.

I suppose in time one learns better and better to sense when there is fecal matter in the lower intestine which is when one can benefit by an enema. In time I suppose one could be so expert as to never be taken by surprise by the urge to have an unexpected bowel movement. I myself am getting better at appraising the gradations as the nice feeling of clean emptiness is replaced by the sense that there is something in there that could be flushed out. Keep in mind that there is fecal material in the lower colon long before there is the traditional Urge to evacuate.

Oh, in regards to gassiness. Yes, there may still be gas, but what I have found is that gas coming out of a cleaned out lower colon will not have a very strong odor. Apparently the truth of the matter is that a very strong odor from digestional gases comes from the smell of the feces with which it had just been in very close contact. The smell of strong gas is an indication that there is fecal matter in the lower intestine, that is, that it would be a good time to administer an enema. Oh, where does gassiness come from if there is no fecal matter in the intestines? It is an interesting question, and, remember, I am not a doctor, but I can guess that a certain amount of air is simply swallowed down during meals and during the day and must eventually go out from somewhere.

I wish I had known of enemas back in my old athletic days. I used to do amateur foot racing – 10K’s and Marathons and such, and it would have been perfect to have given myself enemas the night before a Race, to clean out all that useless… weight. I had once run a marathon, where more than a few contestants had to waste the time to wonder off the course to have emergency bowel movements in the bushes. A pre-race enema would have saved them the bother and would have significantly trimmed their final times.

Oh, I would not do an enema within just a few hours of a race. The process does take about 15 or 20 minutes and it makes one feel drained for awhile. I recommend doing one’s enemas in the evening. If one is to go out, then give one’s self a couple hours to recuperate… time for the exhausted and spent feeling to turn into a feeling of clean wellbeing.

Sometimes I do worry about whether I am allowing the large intestine to do all of its God-intended Duty, by flushing it out with these enemas. For instance, might the large intestine be intended to pull all possible useful fluids and minerals from the fecal material before it is evacuated? I have heard that people with chronic diarrhea present with deficiencies of potassium, and find their muscles cramping up. So I have taken to supplementing my minerals a bit.

Anyway, remember that all of this is coming only from a Blogger, who, living in America and not having access to Medical Advice, has to do the best he can with his own devices. But if you live in any other Civilized Country, please discuss all of this with a doctor before taking any of it too seriously.

XP Service Pack 2 Without Crashing, After the Crash

I have been so much dreading doing my taxes this year. Anyway, there I was, laying on the futon with the kitties at 7:30 this morning. I thought that it would be a good time just to walk out to the computer and get the Turbo Tax thing done. I thought it was going to be easy… done in 20 minutes.

It didn't work out that way. I met a virtual alligator along the way.

“Turbo Tax cannot run because Windows XP Service Pack 2 has not been installed on your computer”.

Oh God! I had innocently tried to install Service Pack 2 years ago when it first popped up just the same as any ordinary Update. It crashed my computer and I lost six months of writing. And there it was facing me again.

At first I thought that I had a complete month to do my taxes, due April 15th of every year. I could take my computer into the shop and have the experts install Service Pack 2 or SP2 as they call it. I remember years before that some Blogger had said that installing XP SP2 was “easy”… you only had to remember to about 35 things first, followed by some incomprehensible Nerd List, telling me what sort of things to do, but supposing that ANYBODY would already know all of the specifics… file names to look for, ways to determine that specified conditions have been met. Of course there was no way, outside of attending 2 years of Nerd School that I could figure out what he had meant by any of it. Easy, yes, if you already knew everything you needed to know. I simply could not find out what I had to do to install that Thing safely. So I didn’t.

Comfortable years went by, with only occasional hints that I was not doing my duty by the defacto Lord of the Universe, Bill Gates... the same guy who failed to get Xp right the first time. Just because we are all quite used to his chronic stumbling, while taking our money, doesn't make it right. There should be a special Ring in Purgatory for a bastard like that.

But now it has been brought to issue. The World was now demanding me to do something about this SP2 Thing. I had to Comply or I would be exiled. If it were the Government we would all bitch like crazy. But thank God Corporations have the Freedom to screw over as many people as they like.

Anyway, with resistance being futile, I went back online searching for “Installing Service Pack 2 without crashing”, and found that relatively few people were reporting it nowadays, though I could easily suspect that Windows could have the wherewithal to cleanup the entire Internet of any reference to any severe difficulty with any of its products. The Truth is that Big Brother will NOT come from the Government but from some all-powerful Corporations… or the Russian Mafia. Louis the IVX was right, that our real fear should be about private Tyrants, from whom One Good Public Tyrant could protect us.

Continuing my searches, the only indications for possible trouble were about instances of Spy-ware or malicious software screwing up the Installation. Again, there is the warning but no solid information as to what to do about it. I could only guess about whether my machine was in compliance. My computer has McAfee anti-virus, and recently Windows has been issuing monthly Virus Eradication Updates. And I have been running them. And a few years back my ISP Company finally seemed to crack down on letting Viruses just slip through their systems completely unfiltered. You know, ISP’s can tell when a good many of their client computers have been hijacked, turned into Zombie Computers by some worm or virus, sending out thousands of spam emails and virus laden crap, all without the user’s least suspicion (outside of the computer seeming to act funny, but computers ALWAYS seem to act funny, no? In the Bill Gates Universe, when has a computer ever acted right? We simply have no standard of reference, no computer that has simply just worked right without sweat and tears and those annual expenses). Well, the ISPs finally seemed to do something about all those Zombie Attacks. Oh, I was even notified that my own computer had been a Zombie for awhile but was subsequently 'exorcised' or whatever they do to Zombies.

Anyway, 'no guts, no glory', and I decided to install the dreaded XP Service Pack 2. I made sure that the March Update for Virus Eradication had successfully run (from my ALL PROGRAMS, I clicked on Windows Updates which brought up the appropriate 'Wizards'), and I pushed the SP2 Go Button… and waited for almost two hours with bated breath. Scared a few times, once when it was almost completely installed it came up with an Error Notification “Service Pack 2 ran into a problem. Sorry for the inconvenience. Would you like to send a notification to Window’s so they can fix the problem (that has been sitting in the software for now going on 4 years)”. I thought that was that. I thought I would be left dead in the water. Its a good thing I didn't just exit out there, which might have really screwed me. But I hit YES, and then it allowed me to continue through, all the indications being that Service Pack 2 had successfully installed.

But then you have to do a restart. God! If only they can make movies that are so suspenseful. It seemed to take forever. To scare the crap out of people they made WAIT screens entirely of the same color Blue as the Crash Screen. Two or three times the screen went completely black. I tried to remember what had happened when I had crashed before. I think it was relatively early in the boot-up process. So maybe just getting the first WAIT screen, and then the WELCOME Screen… I don’t know when I was entirely safe. The last horror was when some strange box popped up about my Desktop, as though Windows was going to give me a new Desktop, leaving me lost to finding any of my old cluttered things, but even my old Desktop finally popped up.

Thank God! Where do I go to light a candle?