The Joys of a Multi-Cat Household

I look about myself now, in the small hours of a weekend late-night, and count six sleeping cats, all within an easy throw of myself and realize they are situated so close around me out of love. Well, that feels good. A multi-cat household can be a wonderfully happy place.

But you can’t just go out and buy six cats and expect it to be instantly wonderful.

Well, you can buy six cats, but you need to be careful of the choices you make. So many people buy the kitties that they feel sorry for, or they go to the County Kennel and get the kitty that they suppose is the next to be selected out for euthanasia because of its undesirability. I once volunteered at the Kennels, and found that because people took home all the miserable, ugly, maladjusted cats, it was the GOOD cats that were euthanized because nobody wanted them. Now, how stupid is that!? And then the general public who visit households who had adopted these ugly maladjusted mean nasty psychologically damaged cats, they rightly soak in their negative experiences and then wonder aloud why anybody would ever own a cat.

Then there is the common sense of it, where one can hardly suppose one will be happier by adopting some sad cat than by adopting a happier and healthier animal.

So don’t buy a cat you feel sorry for. Indeed, DO let the pathetic cats be the ones who are euthanized. Rescue the best cat you can find. You will be doing the reputation of cats in general a favor, and, even better, you will be doing yourself a favor. You will be getting a much better companion. Remember that you may have to live with your choice for twenty or more years (cats do have an edge on dogs as per life expectancy).

Now, there are very beautiful cats, and some specific breeds can be relied upon to produce some cats that also have exquisite personalities. But to be honest, that while you can soon get used to the beauty of the most dazzling cat, what is really most ingratiating in a cat is its personality. Select your cat by personality first, and then, all else being equal, refer to beauty as a second level criteria.

What is a good personality in a cat, when one is shopping for cats? Well, in kittens… I call them ‘cage monkeys’ because the best ones climb the front of the cage to get closer to the customers… the best kittens are active and are oriented towards human beings. The kitten you want should show by its own attentions that it also wants you. It should look you in the eye and meow at you. It should be saying “Me! Me! Pick me up! Take me home!” Even if it is the stunted and has bold spots in its fur, if the other kittens are not so focused on you as this thing, then they are not as ‘good’. Personality first! Once you get it home, you can nurse it up to perfect health, but the best looking cat that is indifferent to you might always be indifferent to you, as that is its personality.

I remember looking for a new cat once. I went to the kennel and there was this beautiful Siamese, but all it thought to do when I petted it was to bite at my hand as though it were a toy. It didn’t think to look at my eyes. But not far away was a four year old Calico (a calico is in fact a very pretty cat that has patches of white, red and black; so arranged that it seems that a totally white cat was sprayed with spots of red and then hit with spots of black) and this calico in a very strident and raspy voice was calling to me. Looking me in the eye. And when I took her (all calicos are female, for some genetic reason) out of the cage, while she was not instantly loving and cuddly, she seemed to show a willingness toward beginning a budding relationship. She began to purr tentatively.

Well, I was cautious and reserved and so I went on with my shopping and came back later in the day to see if she would remember me specifically. She did. So I went away again and again and would come back later. Again she would recognize me and was beginning to become upset with me for not taking her home. Well, when they can get mad at you for not being devoted enough, THAT indicates the type of cat that one takes home. Oh, and while most people shop for kittens, one may consider that there are some advantages in getting full grown cats. They are so long lived that you need not worry too much about losing time with your cat. While kittens can be fun, they really can be very self-possessed until they are somewhat over a year old. An adult cat will behave more maturely and will have more consideration of your needs (being careful not to wake you up, and will be more aware of your modes). Older cats have more empathy.

Many people only get one cat. For a while my Calico was my only cat. I would go to work and then come back. She got fat. Slowly she got fat. I did not notice it happening, but there came a point when I wondered to myself “I never noticed before what a little piglet Calico Bunny was”. They had given me her old medical records when I got her and so I looked into them and discovered she had never been more than 8 pounds, but now she was 13. My guess was that she ate and slept when I was not around – her way of keeping busy instead of being lonely. Well, since I have gotten more cats, guess what, she is back down to 8 pounds. If you cannot be your single cat’s sole companion and must leave it alone for extended periods, then why not consider another cat?

Oh, this is not to say that the only reason some cats are fat is because they are lonely. I do own one fairly fat cat. Some kitties just like to eat.

If one does begin to acquire more and more cats then things can eventually become complicated. Firstly, don’t get all of your cats all at once. One should allow a good deal of time for each new cat to integrate into your household. I would advise giving each new cat a full year to be the baby of the family. It needs that long to get used to the other cats, and for the other cats to get used to it. Everyone needs to readjust their place in the Universe when another cat comes in and effectively says ‘move over’. A year is probably long enough. More on this later.

Then one needs to set up a regimen for managing a multi-cat household. For instance, every so many hours one should look about and count the cats. Are they all there? Good! But if some are off hiding or in the other rooms somewhere, well, this may mean that there is a problem. Find them and find out what the problem is. Indeed, sometimes a newer cat will go off specifically to determine whether you will notice whether or not it is gone. Now, while each cat is different and unique, bla bla bla, what seems to work best generally is to pretend to sleep with a newer cat that seems to be testing you for your dedication to it. Find it, pet it, and then put your head down on your arms and go to sleep for a minute or two. This will totally reassure it concerning your affection, trust and devotion.

Because there are so many dysfunctional cats out there, the general public sometimes communicates the assumption that cats only care about getting fed. While feeding time is important to them, they also can come to get used to their Quality Time rituals. In my household I have a Quality Time Box that is centrally located, and whenever I go by it, if there is a cat on the Quality Time Box, then it gets petted and brushed, or played with… whatever it likes. Well, once one sets up such an institution then one finds that the cats will set up their own Quality Time places and rituals, and they will train you regarding what they expect from you. One of their favorite games is something of a mix of ‘hide and seek’ and ‘tag your it’, that is, they will hide in the dark, and when you get close, they will jump out at you. The more it scares the crap out of you, the better they like it. Oh, play with the lights out, to give them the advantage. But you are allowed to win, rarely. If you are patient, then you can be the one who hides, and when they come looking for you, you can be the one who jumps out and scares them. No, they don’t mind, but will actually appreciate that you have taken the game to a new level for them.

Now, much does depend upon the interaction between the cats themselves. Cat Politics. The cats need to be able to get along with each other. The experts say that when one introduces a new cat into the house that one should keep it in a separate room for awhile. For a few days let the cats sniff at each other from the crack under the door. But then let them in together and just go away and let the cats work things out. This is good advice, but honestly you should remember that it can take years for cat politics to stabilize in a multi-cat household. Who becomes antagonists, who becomes best friends, who grooms with whom, who sleeps with whom, who plays ‘fight and bite’ with whom. It can take a very long while before a new cat finds its place and truly becomes settled in with your other cats. But in some cases you may find that one particular cat is simply not working out with the rest.

Keep in mind that everyone can make a mistake, even yourself. And then you must realize that if you do not remedy your mistake, then that counts as another mistake. When you have a disruptive and impossible cat in the house, then you need to get rid of it. I’ll give an example. There is this feral cat named Funny Face, the oldest female in all of my Feral Cat Feeding Stations (I call her ‘Mother of All Cats’… you see, I could never get close enough to catch her, and she was wise to all of my bait traps, and so she went on having litter after litter, and she would bring these babies of hers to the feeding stations, presenting me with more and more little mouths to feed. Today, nearly every one of my ferals is somehow related to Funny Face). I finally tricked her into one of my cage traps (I began to bring the same ‘feeding box’ out night after night, morning after morning, with all of the other feral cats eating out it, until Funny Face decided she should trust it, and then when she went inside I hit the button and the door slammed shut. Ha!) so I was able to take her to the Vet and get her spayed. Anyway, once I had her captured, I decided to give her a choice about whether she would like to live indoors. I brought her in. Well, she isolated herself in the highest closet spaces, only jumping down in order to poop in my bed. She wanted nothing to do with the indoor cats, and the indoor cats were frankly puzzled by her obnoxious behavior. After 3 or 4 weeks I decided it wasn’t working out and chased her back outside to the Feeding Station. For 3 days she disappeared and I suspected she changed territories, but then had an intuition that maybe her feelings had been hurt by me chasing her with a broom and that she would not show her face until I apologized. So I called her name apologetically and instantly she came walking out of the jungle (oh, I am on a tropical island in the Pacific, by the way)… my calling her was apparently enough to satisfy her damaged pride. So, anyway, the point here is that if one cat is simply not working out with the other cats, then don’t overly prolong the difficulties but throw the trouble maker out!

We humans can be sensitive and even delicate in our feelings. But the truth is that life is very hard on the majority cats. Most kennel cats end up being euthanized. Most outdoor cats don’t live longer than a year or two (Funny Face, at 5 years old, is the oldest outdoor feral cat I know, and my heart has been broken time and time again when relatively young beloved outdoor ferals are found dead or simply don’t come out of the jungle at feeding time anymore, falling prey to heaven knows what). So, with life being so generally tough for cats, don’t be so judgmental of yourself if you should have to toss out a nasty cat. It certainly will deserve its fate as much as any other cat would. And then consider that you are simply making room for a more deserving cat.

Oh, and this reminds me… not all cats are acquired at the Pet Stores. Many perfectly good pets – really good pets – they escape from those who adopted them and they look for better homes. So some of the best pets might come right up to your door. Of my 6 indoor cats, three of them, maybe four, were entirely socialized pet cats that I found outside who had been attracted to the food at my feral cat feeding stations. One of them was given to me by a lady who originally got the cat herself because it came to her door. A man would come and ask for his cat back, but then after a while the cat would again escape and come back to this lady. Finally the man stopped coming to ask for his cat to be returned. Anyway, when the lady had to leave the island for awhile, she asked me to watch after it. Well, this cat fit in so perfectly with my other cats, she let me keep it.
Two or three of my other cats had also probably escaped from the homes they had been adopted into. You see, while you are determining whether or not your new cats are ‘working out’, well, they may be determining whether or not they think you are working out, and, if not, they will find an opportunity to rush out through an open door and simply never come back.

But you shouldn’t simply take in a new outdoor cat instantly. After all, property is sacred in our Civilization. Some people do have indoor-outdoor cats (not very wise of them, since ‘indoor-outdoor’ cats have only about half the life expectancy of purely indoor cats) and so you must systematically prevent yourself from inadvertently stealing another person’s cat. What I do to keep myself honest is to put a collar on them with a tag that says “Is this your cat? I plan to take it.” And I include my name, address and phone number. If after three days the cat is still wearing the collar and I have heard nothing from anybody then I figure that it is mine to take.

Okay… what did those other owners do to drive away their cats? Well, I guess it is too much negative behavior – too much “bad cat bad cat bad cat”. Not enough Quality Time or play. It really doesn’t take much. One only needs to remember to look around for the cat and say “hello” once in awhile. It sounds odd coming from an intellectual such as myself, but I once met a very intuitive young lady who told me from her heart to remember that “animals are only human, you know”. So, yes, to succeed with our pets, we need to remember that they are “human”, that they have feelings. No, we can’t be entirely verbal with them and we must learn to some extent to communicate with them in their own terms.

And this brings us to Cat Communication. First, when a cat meows or warbles at you, then answer it. Simply say “yeah” every time that it meows for attention. It will take a while at first because it is testing the situation and can’t really believe that you are answering, but soon it will realize that it truly is speaking with you.

Then one should know that cats can speak with their eyes – a slow blink at a distance is a sign of respect or affection. And then if a cat should look at you and lick its lips, you should do the same, or make a ‘kissy kissy’ sound which it will consider the same thing. Once a cat feels that it has opened up a genuine line of communication with you, it is so much less likely that it will escape from you to seek other adopted parents.

Often I have volunteered with Kennels and Pet Stores as a placement advisor. I had seen people actually holding a cat that is repeatedly meowing at them, and they won’t answer it – completely oblivious to it. Adults. Children. It doesn’t seem to matter. Some people even while going through all the efforts to become pet owners don’t seem to have much of an intuition about communicating with animals. Perhaps the first lesson in being a ‘cat whisperer’ is to simply be willing to listen too and respond to the cats own vocalizations and communications. Take the little thing seriously. Remember that is ‘human’.

Now, back to our primary subject concerning multi-cat households. If one participates in play, communication, grooming and quality time with one’s cats, then what I have found is that the ‘alpha’ or leader cats in your household will begin to live up to your very example – in their own funny ways they will begin to emulate your behavior. For instance, in my household of six cats, I have two neutered toms and they seem to be acting more and more like myself. They will go through the house counting the other cats, and will try to administer grooming and quality times. While they don’t have the key to the food cabinet, they take it upon themselves to remind me of the feeding times.

So the important thing to remember about this is that one must not habitually perform any behaviors that you do not want your alphas to try to copy. So you should refrain from any hostile or aggressive behaviors which could only reinforce such behaviors in your cats – don’t hit the kitties in anger.

Then we must remember the old adage “to get a friend one must be a friend”. Don’t depend upon the kitties to automatically show affection for you, that is, to automatically sit on your lap or jump up and sleep at the foot of your bed. You should consider doing some inviting behavior. Go and get a cat and put it on your lap, and even if it jumps off after a second, well, it knows it had been invited. The same with bedtime. Go and get the cat and put it on the foot of the bed and then it knows it has been invited. Cats are terribly cerebral and they seem to want to think everything out (cats do in fact come when they are called, but often it takes a few minutes since they have to think it entirely through first), but soon enough you will see that they suddenly want to participate in the behaviors you had been inviting them to. Oh, and this reminds me about their feeding behavior, that while they may seem to shun some new food, well, don’t necessarily believe it, as they may eat just a little bit of something they actually like, but if it is new, they wait to see if it makes them sick. So if it appears to you as though they don’t like a new brand of food, well, give it a third or fourth chance and you might find that your kitties actually have a new favorite.

Perhaps now we should examine the notion of socialization – what goes into socializing a kitten so that it can become the best of possible house pets. One never knows when one might be put in charge of a small kitty who has been separated from its mother. Or you should know enough about proper socialization so you can inquire intelligently of breeders concerning whether they have been properly socializing their kittens. Well, as I said before, one should answer meows and then, if the kitten is at all aggressive then one should take it by its scruff and bring it to one’s breast bone where it will hear your heart beat. Here we get involved with its instincts. When it hears your heart, it thinks you are its mother and this automatically inhibits their aggression. You see, Nature has hardwired these kittens behavior so that they might NEVER bite the tit that feeds them. Aggression is impossible from a kitten while it hears its mothers heartbeat. So bringing a kitten up to your chest will automatically quiet it down. This works for every kitten that is still young enough to have that pointy pin-feather like fur. But a kitten old enough to be weaned and who has fur that lays back like adult fur, well, nothing will ‘automatically’ inhibit aggression in a kitten that far along in age, and they can be dangerous if not already socialized. But while they are young, you can take demonic little hissing and spitting kittens and put them up on your breast bone to calm them, and they you should engage in grooming behavior – give them little kisses while moving your head back and forth so it does seem exactly like grooming. In a few days, with just some minutes each day, the most horrible kitties will become socialized. They will go from being virtual little evil demons to being angelic little sweethearts, climbing up the front of the cage when they see you coming – perfect little cage monkeys.

Oh, and this reminds me again of an interesting point, that is, another behavioral difference between socialized cats and ferals. As I had said above, a socialized cat will interpret a kiss as an act of grooming. But ferals live in a rough world and almost any action is interpreted in terms of aggression and the tools of aggression – they see kisses as gentle and harmless bites, and they see petting and thumping as gentle and harmless clawing. This goes far in explaining why ferals are at first very hesitant to receive your affection, since they expect any touch to bring with it some sting of aggression. But once they do get used to your expressions of affection, in their own terms, then they may begin to return such affection. In their little minds they must be thinking “when in Rome, do as the Romans do”. They think they are being friendly. They will gently swipe their claws at you, and they will gently bite at your hands and nose. Often at first the biting and the clawing may not be so entirely gentle, as at first ferals greatly over-estimate the toughness of us human beings, but if you yelp in pain when the cat bites down a bit too hard, then it will soon get the idea and ease up a bit from then on. But the important point here is that it can be somewhat disconcerting to have a cat biting and scratching at one. One hardly sees that as affection. But I remind you that the ferals at first had a difficult time being touched themselves, having seen the human behaviors of kissing and petting in terms of biting and scratching. And when the cats have finally gotten over their fear of you and begin to return your affection, the only way they know how, they are puzzled when you back away from them. So, really, it is best to hold still and let them swat and bite at you a little bit. They mean well. Even some socialized cats will sometimes use their teeth to grip your hand, when it wants more petting. This is often times misinterpreted. I have seen mothers in Pet Stores complain of cats ‘biting’ their children, and then I need to explain to them that a cat who really bites will go at a person like an industrial sewing machine – quick repeated bites that go as deep as their teeth are long, biting down to your bones. There is always a lot of bleeding from real cat bites. If the cat does not break the skin, then it really was not a bite. The cat only wanted your attention… to take your hand by holding it in its mouth, like it would carry one of its own kittens. Remember that they do not have opposable thumbs for gripping, and so they will use their teeth or reach out their claws gently to pull you in. It is nothing to be afraid of, once you find that you can trust the cat not to harm you.

I have brought several of the ferals indoors and from interacting with the socialized cats they do eventually learn socialized grooming behavior and will begin to act more as the socialized cats do. It is always a wonderful moment the first time an ex-feral licks one’s hand in genuine grooming behavior style.

Oh, and then we must talk a little bit about the matter of choice between having cats or having dogs. Now, dogs are great, but they do have different needs. Do you go off to work? Dogs tend toward demoralized loneliness when their masters are away. While cats will be happy when one comes home, greeting one at the door, one rarely hears complaints from the neighbors that one’s cats are crying plaintively when one is out. Dogs will. But I must admit here that often times cats can be lonely if left alone, and it is my opinion that if one finds a few cats that can be friends and can get along with each other, then one should keep them both and they will probably be happier than if they were in single cat households.

Dogs can be annoying as they will defend territory with barking behavior, and they will bark at other dogs, and will begin howling if they hear other dogs howl – pack behavior. Neighbors will complain. And then there is biting and attack behavior. One should be careful about what kind of dog one acquires. Many image obsessed men will get fighting breed dogs as macho-accessories for themselves, and they are fooled by their pet’s submissive behavior towards themselves while forgetting that thousands of years of targeted breeding has focused on turning these animals into reflex killers. Such pets are legal liabilities at the least, and can often be actually dangerous to your guests or to your neighbors. No one’s pet kitty ever ripped out the throat of the little girl next door, but such nightmares have often played out for dog owners.

Then there is hygiene to consider. Cats are inherently clean. One hears stories of Tomcats ‘spraying’ their territory with stinky urine, but if a boy cat is neutered before it is some large mature Tomcat already habituated to marking its territory, then there is almost no chance at all that your Tomcat will ever mark. Indeed, I have found neutered Tomcats to be really the better companions, though of my 6 cats, I have 4 females. Each sex can make a wonderful companion.

Cats naturally will sand box train themselves – their version of being toilet trained. Indeed, some people actually toilet train their kitties. But dogs will poop and pee on the floor. Dogs really need to be walked. They also need to be trained carefully enough so that they do not become more of a list of problems than they are worth. And so it is that dogs require a good deal more time and attention than do cats. If one is retired or works out of the home and can be there for a dog, then a dog’s close companionability can be very enticing. But allow me to repeat, that if one chooses one’s cats well, then one can be sure of having some very companionable cats. People really love their cats, and visa versa.

Before I close out this essay, let me add a word regarding the commonly held generalization that people who keep cats are in some manner dysfunctional in their human relationships – that they are pathetic lonely souls. Well, the truth is rather the opposite. Yes, a keeper of cats may go out less frequently than those who have no cats, but this is because they are rather less lonely. It is loneliness that drives ordinary people out to the bars and the clubs. I used to be one of them. I never thought my life would change drastically just because I began to keep a few cats, but imperceptibly and slowly I progressed toward going out less and less often. I was happier to simply stay at home. This is in no way pathetic or indicative of any human to human dysfunctions. It is contentment, pure and simple. And so if having cats can make one more content with one’s life, then that should rather be seen as a good thing.