I’m Sorry Foxxy

 

1  Hi Everybody, this is Leo Volont.  Yeah, I was out Clubbing the other night, really mostly just dancing, since that’s a Persona Ideal I’ve been working on this Year, and during one of the breaks some Lady asked me about Happiness.  I told her that Happiness is a Life without Regrets, and she then she wanted to know if I didn’t have any regrets, and I told her I’m not always happy, and my mind reverted back to memories of my Poor Old Deceased Foxxy Buddy, [Foxxy Buddy 2004 – 2021] who died less than a year ago.  He was only 17 but for him it had been a full enough lifetime.   But my mind wasn’t easy and I couldn’t help whispering under my breath “I’m Sorry Foxxy”.  Honestly, I’m worried those may someday be my last words, and so maybe I should explain them now.  

 

[Cats with Young Foxxy sleeping (4 Amigoes) ]  

 

 [Cats  012 (2)  Foxxy Buddy 2004 – 2021]

 2  Foxxy had been a soft furred Tawny Tabby, the same color as a Lion, but with Grey Eyes.  You see them a lot in Half Breed Siamese cats.  I had taken Foxxy in when he was still just a Big Kitten down in the Parking Lot.  I knew his sisters from the same litter who were more obviously of Siamese Extraction.  But unlike his more cynically cautious sisters, he had been fearless and wouldn’t run away from anything, and so I figured it would get him hurt out there.  Yeah, the point that decided me on that was, well, this Big Fat Little Chinese Kid was kicking this ball high, almost straight up, and the ball was heavy enough that, along with its momentum from falling, it was hitting the ground really hard.  I pointed out to the kid that he’d need to be aware of the Cat, which could be seriously hurt if it were to be struck by that ball.  He told me with a contemptuous Spoiled Brat Sneer that “It’s only a Cat”.  So I silently cursed his Life and walked over and picked up that Fearless Big Kitten, who wasn’t afraid of me, and took him in.  His Tail was so soft and bushy that I named him Foxxy Buddy.   At the time he became my fourth cat. [Cats 4 amigos 23]  He would enjoy 3 Kitten Years before I’d get another cat, and no matter how much we try, the Youngest always seem to be the Sweetest somehow.  Foxxy got spoiled with Love.  

[Cats  012 (2) ]

3   So, yeah, over the years I’d get three more cats and it was wondrous how they’d all get along, and I felt that much of the reason was that Foxxy was so easy going and friendly, always being each new cats First Friend and thereby linking them into our Family.  Yeah, I understood how precious that made Foxxy and I loved him for it, and I was endlessly bragging to people about him.  But All Good Things Must Pass, and trouble came to our Happy Little Home, and I made a terribly regrettable mistake with Foxxy.   

 

4   It all started on a dark truly mysterious night where it seemed that three of my seven cats had been caught in some kind of fantastic noiseless explosion, with one getting killed and the other two getting wounded.   [ Cats  Bettybear (2) ]  Yeah, I lost Betty that night.   But for me the evening started as just an ordinary Music Practice Night in my Studio, what had been my old Bedroom, where I’d close myself in for three hours, listening to recordings through a mixer while I’d lay down a track of my own with either Strings, Saxophone or a Keyboard, and I’d given myself the rule that after each full hour playing, I could reward myself by going out to the kitchen to get myself another finger or two of cheap Scotch.

 

5   So I think it was coming to the second hour when I came out and stepped over Betty, whom I thought was just sleeping in the most frequented thoroughfare of the house, like all cats do, right?... but then it struck me that Betty was in a pose I had unfortunately seen several times before: the Dead Cat Pose, where their legs are all out straight underneath, and with the tail straight out behind.    Yeah, I only had to whip my head around to take one more glance to see the Truth, that Betty had died.  Well, I had an initial Breakdown, but then I remembered that I shouldn’t get distraught in front of all the other cats, as it would only go towards  worrying them, right.  And that thought decided me to look around to check on the rest of them. [ Cats Foxxy and Roary] So I looked up from the floor, and Foxxy and Young Roary, just a year old then, were looking down at me from the counter.  Roary’s right eye was red as though it had just been injured, and, later, Foxxy was showing too many signs of distress to easily ignore, and I found a day later that his ear had puffed up with blood or pus.  They call that “Pillow Ear”. 

 

 [Cats 008]

 

6   Foxxy was in a lot of pain.  I knew that because he always wanted to sleep, but couldn’t find a comfortable spot, but he’d keep going from place to place looking for one.  That meant that he was carrying the discomfort around with himself.   So I did what is ordinarily supposed to be  a good thing, what we’re all expected to do  – I took him to the Vet, which turned into two vets over the next two months, since the Pillow Ear came back after the first Vet’s Treatment.  It must have been hell for Foxxy.  We know how cats hate the Vets.  And then there were the operations, and heaven only knows whether they really monitor the blood oxygen levels for cats during these surgeries.  You know, oxygen deprivation can seriously impair the brain, but those Vets know that nobody gives IQ Tests to cats, right?  So they might think it’s nothing to worry about.    And, yeah, I once had a Vet tell me to go easy on optional procedures that require Anesthesia, like just Teeth Cleanings, as they’re harder on older cats, and so it haunted me that not just once but twice, I put Old Foxxy through such brain impairing ordeals.  Then, for weeks post op I was supposed to clean and dress his ear everyday, and Foxxy hated that too.  And I also made the mistake of doing all that rough work on the sofa, which had been my bed.  So, in effect, I was destroying all good associations he had with that sofa, doing to him what must have felt like Torture.   Yeah, after all that, Foxxy was never the same again.   

 

7   You know, really, taking Foxxy to the Vets had been stupid.   I really should have just used my common sense, that I must have seen a dozen tomcats out on the street who had gotten over Pillow Ear all by themselves.   Old Battle Scarred Tomcats, more than 4 years old, nearly all have Final Stage Pillow Ear, you know, where one or both ears look withered, and we know that they didn’t go to the Vets for it.  But I could have helped Foxxy by suppurating the ear myself, by poking a hole in it with a leatherworking awl or whatever, and then just be being there and being supportive of his own Healing Process that we know for a fact works.  That, Foxxy might have taken in stride, but what I’d done seemed to have broken his spirit, and I felt it was because he had lost his trust in me.  He became a grumpy old grouch, and he’d hesitate to come into my Territory, but if he had a message for me, he’d just yowl like some Old Tomcat.  My bright eyed enthusiastic love for Foxxy had turned into a duty.  

[Cats   Foxxy and Tommy]

8  But, yeah, thankfully  there had been some reprieves, especially the time Foxxy rallied to help me raise Little Siamese Tommy.  What I guess happened with Little Tommy was that someone, who knows I like cats, probably put little tiny starving Siamese Tommy outside my screen door when I was cooking Supper, and my other cats alerted me by crowding the door.  So I went over to look. [ Cats  little Sick Tommy]  And when I saw what I saw I said “Damn!  I love Siameses”.   I guess that was me giving myself permission to keep him… but that would only be if I could bring him back to Health, and Rescues often end tragically.   He had an infected eye, and looked weak, thin, and way too little.  I was guessing he was 4 or 5 weeks, but he looked like he hadn’t eaten for at least two or three days.  I was hoping he had already been weaned.   So I took him into the bathroom and stimulated his little Boy Butt, yeah, to see what we would get out of him, and it was yellow poop.  Damn, that mean Mother’s Milk Poop, doesn’t it?... and that would have meant that the last time he ate was from his Mother, and who knows when that was.

 

9   [ Cats  Sick Tommy Carrier]    But I had no Kitten Formula or Goat’s Milk on hand, and the stores were already closed, and so I’d have to gamble that his digestion would tolerate weaning.   So I opened a can of Wet Food, and, yeah, he didn’t know what to do with it.  He’d just lick at it as though he could lap it up like water, and then give up on it and sleep.  So I decided to make Wet Food Soup and Syringe Feed him, every 2 hours that first night, to assure his hydration even if he did have trouble digesting the food.  Then I boiled up a big pot of water that I could dilute as necessary, and got a heat gun ready and heated up some towels.  I wanted to Flea Bathe him, before my entire house became infested, but also to get his fur fluffy and bushy again to help him retain Body Heat, but I didn’t want to chill him in the process, so I wanted to do everything under heat.  And, I treated his eye the way I’ve always treated eye infections in Cats – I first smear a dab of Triple A Antibiotic into my own eye, and then into the Cat’s eye, and I’ve found it begins to help almost immediately.   Then I set my timer for the next feeding, kissed the little thing goodnight, not promising anything outloud, not wishing to Jinx his chances, but crossed myself Nine Times, and then caught some Shuteye… hoped for the best. .   

 

10  So, yeah, Tommy had been a serious rescue, almost starved.   He was listless and would lay down where ever I put him.  [Cats  Tommy recovery carrier]   But, the second day I saw some hope that he was beginning to thrive, when he rejected the syringe by trying to bite my fingers, and when I put him down, he crawled over to the dish and tried licking up his food again, which was why I went to Fork Training him.  You see, Fork Training teaches the Kittens to bite up Chunks of food, instead of them trying to lick the food up.   Yeah, the trick is to have the kitten work with the fork until he starts biting instead of just licking, and once he’s biting, then put him down with his dish to see whether he’s really learned his lesson or not, and as soon as you see the kitten dig in and bite out of his dish, he or she is Trained, Certified and Ready to Eat for Life.   And, yeah, I had Little Siamese Tommy trained in two minutes, which meant he still had all his faculties.  But, yeah, while otherwise seeming so close to death, with these signs of rebellion and self-reliance, well, it showed that his Spirit was strong, and it still is, that Little Scamp, and so I felt encouraged.    [Cats  Tommy on stole] But only on the 3^rd day did he stand up and begin exploring, and I realized that my Little Siamese Tommy had made it out of the Woods.  Thank God.

 

11  You know, Rescuing, well, that’s a strange way to Bond with a Cat.  You see, now, Tommy takes me totally for granted and I can see that there isn’t a shadow of a doubt in his mind that I’d give him anything he wants, once he can make his ‘Eye to Eye’ Telepathy work on me, and then he shows no gratitude, figuring that my making him the center of my Universe is just part of the Natural Order of Things.   But, yeah, I do feel honored to have earned so much of his Trust.  [Cats  Tommy on Chair]   But only now in his 4^th Year has it gotten through to him that I would like Quality Times too, like my brushing him for my pleasure, even when it’s not his idea first.  Yeah, that Flash of Understanding came to him probably because he’s seen how his Big younger Brother, Franky, delights in Surprise Brushings… and I sneak in some kisses too, or at least I make the noises, you know, like: [make kissie sounds]… yeah, it sounds stupid to us but the Cats know what that means. .    

12  But, remember, Little Siamese Tommy had lost his Mother way too soon.  So as soon as I realized Tommy was safe from my other cats, well, I began taking him to bed with me, but somehow Foxxy realized the exigencies of the moment and he’d jump up on the sofa to sleep with us, and, I don’t know whether this had been Foxxy’s intention, but little Tommy began trying to nurse from him.  [Cats   Foxxy and Tommy] But Foxxy, remembering his masculine dignity, shoved Little Tommy out from underneath, but allowed him to nurse on his Shoulder.  God Bless Him.  But after Tommy reached about a year old, both myself and Foxxy began insisting that Tommy was getting a bit old for that, and the nursing stopped and Foxxy went back to finding his own beds again.  But the Sofa became Tommy’s Territory and so I wasn’t especially lonely, but I worried about how Foxxy must have felt.  Really, I didn’t think it was about me anymore, but that Foxxy was there for the other Cats… that were all the love still was.   

 

[Cats  Foxxy Hugging Betty]

13  Oh, by the way, at least some of you might be wondering about what killed Betty, but that’s something of a long story, but I think we should discuss it… and you’ll see why.   So, let’s get started.  You see, Betty had been a socialized kitten from an apartment where she had a dish outside the door that she ate from, but I guess the tenant moved who had been feeding her, and so Betty, now not more than a year old, [Cats   Betty behind the wire]   took over my Feeding Station as the Alpha, and, yeah, Feral Station Alphas always seem to be a females from one year old to being knocked out of the slot before reaching 3, but I’ve seen some tough torties or calicos carry the Alpha Title almost until they were five.   But Betty didn’t take over my Feeding Station without a fight, no, so my not realizing she had been abandoned, I resented her for wanting to ‘poach’ our food, and I guess I always did feel that the my Feeding Stations always already had Enough Cats, and so I’d be as resistant to New Members as any of my Feral Cats would’ve been, whose innate assumptions would have been that More Cats would mean Less Food for themselves, and with myself thinking that I had to buy all that food, and then lug it and the Water around with me morning and night.  Yeah, the Spirit is willing but the Flesh loves to complain.   

 

14  But, yeah, Membership in a Feral Cat Feeding Station is always up to the Ferals themselves.  You know, while people talk of Cats as being ‘Independent’, they mean that cats are more independent than dogs, who are full blown Pack Animals, but cats can and do form Colonies, and a Feral Cat Feeding Station is a Colony, with those who gain admittance having to show or at least tolerate some aggression.  No, from what I’ve seen, there’s little blood or fur-flying, with that level of aggression being reserved for Rival Tomcats fighting over Mates.  At the Feeding Station I’ve seen only Hissing and Paw Batting.  Really, any New Prospective Member needs only to hunker down, and take abuse for a minute or two before looking up to ask, “Is it time to eat yet?”, and 9 times out of 10 the answer will be ‘Sure, if you made it this far’.   But the kind of female cats, with Betty’s ferocious temperament, will carry all of their own Aggression into the mix, making everybody else ask, “Is it okay if we eat now?”  But, surprisingly, there’s a significant number of cats that are too afraid to approach after only just being hissed at, and then I never see them again, as though they interpret their Rejection as a signal to abandon the entire Territory, from horizon to horizon, that being about a few hundred meters in every direction, though exactly where they mark their lines remains an olfactory mystery to me.      

 

15   But Betty had more to worry about than just the Cats… you see, she had to get through me first.   Yeah, I wanted to fight off Betty all by myself, and so I bought this little toy gun that shot out little soft plastic bullets.  So from about 20 feet away I was holding her off by firing the little plastic bullets at her butt, knowing that at that distance their velocity would drop off to harmlessness.  But then, apparently growing complacent, I set aside “holding her off” for a moment to care for the other Cats somehow, and when I turned back around, there she was, Betty, just at my feet.  Well, being as jumpy as a Cat myself, It startled me, as we had never been that close before, and I wouldn’t have expected such a tactic from any Feral, who usually rely heavily upon Retreat in such circumstances.   So, our eyes met and I knew that she knew that I couldn’t shoot at her now, being afraid I’d hurt her.  Yeah, the Demonically Clever Little Thing had called my bluff.    So, yeah, after that, I gave up trying to think I could outthink her, and threw the little toy gun in the Dumpster, and, giving up all resistance, it became Betty’s Feeding Station, and it would be hers forever, as it would turn out.   

[no photo]

16  But Life would remain all sunshine and roses for a while longer, and, so, yeah, as it happened, there occurred this Precious Moment that somehow seared itself into my Memory, a memory that would contextually become so much more important to me not long afterwards.  Yeah, the Feral Cat Feeding Station Membership had never been higher.  The way it worked was that I’d get up while it was still dark to feed them before Work.  I had my own Wild Animal Call that I’d use to assemble them, like the word “Wuu” but I’d extend the vowel sound, changing its pitch and rolling the sound like the Spanish roll their r’s, you know, it’d sound like  [“Wuuuuu…”], but a lot louder.  And that would bring them out from every direction, from Building Stairwells, and from pathways out of the jungle’s underbrush that are so low to the ground that most Humans don’t even see they’re there.   

 

17  I never counted them, but I always thought there were about 15 to 20 of them.  We’d walk together about 150 meters to the Station’s Feeding  Lot, an abandoned Motel Swimming Pool [ Cats  Feral cat franky]  with a Railing that the cats could get behind, but which was inaccessible to myself and the Boonie Dogs, and I’d pour their Dry Food under the lowest Horizontal Rail.  [ no photo]   Yeah, I suppose I could have gone all the way down to the Station myself, before calling them all, but, everybody who’s ever run a Feeding Station knows, you’ll always have at least one Door Cat that knows where you live and waits for you.  So, yeah, these Door Cats become special for you, and it comes to seem like you’re really assembling the others in honor of their presence, so that the Door Cats can claim the honor from all the other cats, of having fetched you from your Lair.   And, beside, I really liked walking surrounded by all of them, will all their Tails standing Tall and Happy, with the Orange Twins Franky and Franky, Sons of Funnyface, Mother of All Cats,  weaving and crisscrossing in front of me with the precision of dancers, letting me bat at their tails in rhythm.  Yeah, that Special Memory Moment occurred for me as we walked through the parking lots, emerging from the darkness as we all flowed under this one Street Light, when I noticed that its Circle of Light spread out to exactly envelop all my Happy Cats, with myself in the Center.  And then we walked back out into the  darkness.       

 

18a   Yeah, the good times couldn’t last forever, and some parents had bought their kids long barreled high velocity 17 caliber pellet guns for Christmas.  Yeah, those things are sold as toys for children.  So, with the New Year, I began losing about two or three cats per week.   The kids would leave some of them seriously wounded, but  they were still ferals, and even wounded, I couldn’t catch them.  They’d crawl off to die in some secret solitude…

 

18b  Yeah, that’s a laugh…  Me telling my Cats to be good… I might as well think that I can command the Wind and the Tides, but, yeah, as I was saying, that, even wounded, the Ferals wouldn’t come to me for help.  They’d crawl off to die in some secret solitude, and I’d find their bodies later by following the scent of death.  I guess I had to make myself emotionally numb to be able to get myself through all that, but you can probably see how hard it had been for me, and especially for them.

 

19   But one moment punched through my daze and  hit me especially hard.  I came out one morning and the first thing I noticed was that Funny Face had been killed. [ Cats  Funnyface ]  Yeah, Funnyface, a Tortie Calico, had been the Station Alpha for 3 years.  Yeah, that was before Betty toppled her Reign,  and, yeah, now that I think about it, maybe my resisting Betty’s Coup had only sourced out of my old loyalties to Funnyface.   But there she was in the Dead Cat pose atop a pile of junk.  Was that where she had been shot and fell, or did somebody put her where I’d be sure to find her?   But I appreciated that she had been put up high, as though to honor her.  She had been the Cleverest and Slyest of Cats and it’d taken me years to figure out how to catch her to get her Spayed.  I had nicknamed her “Funnyface, Mother of all Cats” and a great portion of the Feeding Station were her progeny.  I had tremendous respect for her, and when I lifted her to put her into her fresh new Pillow Case Burial Shroud, well, I couldn’t believe she was so light.  Yeah, I remembered that the only other time she had ever let me touch her, besides batting her tail which she still half resented, had been after a serious Tropical Storm had spent had stalled for three days over our heads, and I could finally get out to feed them, and Funny Face had been so obviously cold and hungry, that she allowed me to stroke some admiration and consolation onto her, while she focused on eating.  Yeah, I wondered how such a Big Life could suddenly have become so Small.   

 

20  Oh, and I just noticed it now, bringing up Funnyface’s  photograph, that she is very similar in color and line with my new kitten Gloria… yeah, let me switch the photos of the two of them back and forth and we’ll see what you think…  here’s Gloria. [Cats Gloria compared to Funnyface] … now here’s Funnyface…  [Cats  Funnyface]  Gloria again  [Cats Gloria compared to Funnyface]  and now back to Funnyface [Cats  Funnyface]  Yeah, see what I mean.    And, yeah, in a previous video, dated Feb 15, 2022, down in the description, I tell about how I had come by Gloria.    But now I’m wondering why I hadn’t realized that similarity between the two of them before, but maybe that’s the real reason why I couldn’t turn down that new kitten after it had been offered to me, getting up to answer the door to say “No Thankyou, I already got enough cats ”, but changed my mind after only seeing her from 20 feet away through a screen door.   And then there was the Name Gloria already in my Head, rolling off my tongue without any thought at all, on the first instant that I held her in my hands.  Yes, it had sometimes bothered me that the name Funnyface took the Dignity of that Noble Creature far too lightly, and it had somehow been an injustice against  her that I had given her a name that so much misrepresented her Character.   Yeah, I should have named her Gloria, but she was Funnyface, and so that will be a name that will forever after suggest to me only what is and most noble in Life… Noble like Funnyface..     

 

[Cats   Blacky]

21  But sometimes the Light Shineth in Darkness and by this time Betty had become best friends with Blacky, who had only been half feral because I knew him from the day his mother, yes, Funny Face, Mother of All Cats, brought him out, along with all his Siblings, out to be weaned.  Me and Blacky bonded in the strangest way, but maybe it could be expected of a couple of knuckleheaded guys, that is, I wanted to catch him to take him to the Vet to get him “fixed”, but I had grabbed him too far back along his Scruff and so he was able to reach his head around and give me a good solid bite on my thumb before I could drop him, but I remained mindful to not utter a sound.  And then, after wrapping my thumb in my handkerchief, to staunch the bleeding, I just pretended nothing happened, that I didn’t just try to catch him, and that there had just been some kind of unfortunate misunderstanding.  Well, it worked.  I could see right away that he was sorry he had bitten me, for no reason, and the little thing did everything to atone.  We became really good friends, and I think Betty saw that and decided to tag along with us, to bask in our radiated warmth.   

 

22  And that brings us to another very special memory between Betty and myself, but Blacky was probably the catalyst that brought it all together, and the memory would become very special regarding him too.   Yeah, this Memory happened when I went out to feed Blacky, who had taken the role of being my Door Cat, and Betty wasn’t with him as usual, which got me worried, because the Shootings and Killings had already progressed rather far at this point.   So I put down his food and went to look for her, but Blackie walked away from his dish to follow me.  See what I mean about his being such a good friend, putting my company ahead of his dinner.  Or maybe he was Betty’s good friend and wanted to help me look for her.  Either way, that made him one heck of a loving little guy, right?

 

 23  So Blacky and I are crossing down the parking lot and I notice the old abandoned car sitting off to the side on a vacant strip, with its windows all either rolled down or smashed out, but somehow I wonder if Betty’s sitting  inside, and so I yell “Wuuuu Betty”, and up from the Drivers Seat her [Cats  Betty Behind the Wire] little head bobbed up, and our eyes meet.  There was the Memory Lock right there.   It seemed like maybe she’d been testing me to see if I’d come and fetch her for dinner, and that it wasn’t just Blacky I cared about.  Or maybe Betty had only sent Blacky to “fetch me from my lair”, which is really exactly what he did, didn’t he?     But, yeah, now we needed to head back and so I gruffly yelled at her “Come On!  Let’s Go  Eat!” and turned and started walking home, not looking back… yeah, cats like to think it over in private whether or not they’ll obey a command, but after a few seconds I looked down towards Blacky, and Betty was already shoulder to shoulder with him.  It was a beautiful memory, [Cats   Blacky ] and  it would be the last I’d ever have of Blacky.  Yes, you can love somebody forever if they leave you memories like that.     

 

24  Yeah, Blacky and Betty would be the Last Survivors.  [Cats  Betty Behind the Wire] It really seemed like Betty was preternaturally tuned in somehow, and if we’d hear the report of one of those guns, even hundreds of yards off, she’d slunk down and scurry off, vanishing out of sight.  Yeah, I wondered whether I had inadvertently taught her about the Evil and Danger of Guns, with that little toy I had used on her.  Well, Fate does work in mysterious ways, doesn’t it? [Cats   Blacky ]   But I only wished that Blacky would have followed her lead.  Either his bravery or his stupid indifference would get his little butt killed.

 

25  And, so, yeah, it wasn’t long before it was Blacky who’d be the one who wouldn’t report for Dinner, and somehow I had no doubt as to what that meant, that they finally shot Blacky too.   So I made an instant decision. [Cats  Betty behind the wire] I didn’t want to lose Betty too, so I’d try to bring her in.  You know, many Ferals simply refuse to live inside.  [Cats   Blacky ] I tried moving Blacky in, you know, back before when I first got him Neutered, but he’d spend his days yowling at the Door to be let out, but he’d let me sleep at night, until he figured out that yowling while I tried to sleep might work better for him, and it did, and I opened the door.   [Cats  Betty behind the wire] But now I’d give Betty her chance to be an Indoor Cat, and it would be a Life or Death decision for her.   So I took Betty’s food dish to my apartment and put it just inside the door’s threshold, and when she cautiously began to approach her dish, and as soon as I thought I had a good clear shot, I kicked her, well, we could call it a long continuous push, with the inside of my foot, sliding her well into the center of my kitchen, giving me enough time to step in and close the door.  But it turned out she liked living inside. Yeah, some Ferals will be wanting to break down the door to get out, but other Ferals never go near it, except to sun themselves behind a nice securely closed Screen Door.

 

[Cats  Mr. and Mrs. Bear]

26   I loved that Betty, but she kept that Alpha temperament with my other house cats, and she claimed me for her own.  But Betty also liked having her boyfriends and so she became a thing with Big Bear, my big fat Silver Siamese with a stumpy tail, meaning he was a true East Asian Variety.  Yeah, that’s him in that photo.  You know what I named that photo way back then?  “Mr. and Mrs. Bear”… they always looked so good together.   [Foxxy hugging betty ] But I’d see her sleeping with Foxxy too sometimes, and so these few were welcomed to jump up to sleep with me.

 

27  [Cats Betty Sleep]   Later, Betty also became a Second Mother and protectress for Roary when he was a still a kitten that I brought home, a few weeks after Poor Big Bear died of Old Age…  [Cats Big Bear easy chair] yeah, I never knew how Old Big Bear was, but I had had him for 10 years and he may have been that old already when I got him.  You see, he had been given to me.   I’d heard that he’d run away from his Owner time and time again and come to the door of his Landlady, a friend of mine, and she’d take him in.  Finally she refused to give “Kitty”… yeah, she called that Big Spectacular Cat ‘Kitty’… she refused to give him back to his Owner, you know, Enough is Enough, right?  So she kept him until she had to travel to visit relatives and asked me to watch Kitty for her.   Yeah, by the way she talked,  I thought Kitty would turn out to be some ordinary Scraggletail Tabby but when I showed up, he turned out to be this Glorious Blue Eyed Silver Siamese.  I literally gasped in wonder.  

 

28  So, yeah, Me and Big Bear had our own bonding moment.  Afraid from the drive home and having been in a pillow case… a shredded pillow case by the time I got him home ... and frightened of being in a strange house, he at first ran under the kitchen sink, where I had accidentally left one of the counter doors open.  Well, that Lady Friend of mine told me that he was friendly and so I decided to crawl under the sink myself,  making and then breaking eye contact, you know, first to acknowledge him, but then to look away to assure him I wouldn’t be a threat, and then I pretended to yawn, because no aggressive animal would ever yawn,  and finally I pretended to fall asleep, making a few snorting noises, because he’d expect that from a big animal like myself.   I stayed that way for I guess five minutes, then I lifted my head, yawned again, and looked at Big Bear (and, yeah, I had named him that the first moment I saw him) and said, “I’m hungry Big Bear,  Let’s go eat food”, and he followed me out and we were best friends ever since.   In less than a year he would welcome little Foxxy Buddy into our home as his Little Brother.  

 

[Cats  Foxxy and BB Four Amigos 018]

 

29  Oh, but at first I worried that Big Bear wasn’t mine!  Yeah, when my Lady Friend came back, I wouldn’t take her calls, afraid she’d ask for her Kitty back, [Cats four amigos 013]  but finally she tracked me down to tell me that it was okay, that I could keep Kitty if I wanted too, and I said, “He’s Big Bear now.” and that made her laugh.  Yeah, besides, she’s mostly a Dog Person anyway or she never would’ve given up a cat like that.   

 

[Cats Big Bear easy chair]

 

30  But, yeah, after having him for a decade, losing Big Bear broke my heart, [no photo]  but I felt I was getting too old to get some new kitten, if I wasn’t sure I’d be able to out live it, but this one Lady Professor at the University told me I was being ridiculous and that she had one kitten left from a litter and wanted me to take a look at him.   Well, being the last kitten is not quite “pick of the litter” and so I wondered what might have been wrong with him, but I was curious to see him and so the next day I drove out to take a look.  [Roary Kitten] Well, He was just a light ginger striped tabby, but when I came into their house, I saw him come down the steers to meet me.  His Mother, a Feral that Madame Professor had taken in,  hissed at me like I was a threat, but the little Ginger Kitten ignored her as he walked right on by and up to me, apparently taking it for granted that I’d reach down and pick him up.   Yes, this kitten had been thoroughly socialized and apparently already felt as though  he could read minds.   So, I reached down and picked him up and looked into his eyes.  Yeah, we were two strong silent types checking each other out, and we both seemed okay with each other. [ Cats Roarys Home]  So Forever home we came.   

 

31   And, no, I hardly believed it when that Professor Lady told me that Big Little Thing was only just 8 weeks… she had to prove it to me by showing a time stamped photo of the new Litter.  [ Cats   Foxxy and Big Ears] And then there were his huge ears!   It all indicated that he’d grow into a Giant, and, now, almost ten years later, [Cats  Big Bear on Table with Gloria cropped out]

I call him Big Bear Roary, and he’s as sweet as the Old Big Bear ever was, and probably longer, taller and fatter too, well, no, obesity really shouldn’t be a highly valued trait, and I’ve been trying to keep the food dishes empty most the time so that Roary wouldn’t overeat just out of boredom, and the other Cats aren’t starving and so I think I’ve got the best balance going I’m ever going to get.  But, yeah, just look at this photo from the present and tell me that Roary didn’t become another Big Silly Sweet Big Bear.   Yeah, whoever says that you can’t Replace a beloved deceased Cat with a Kitten, well, they probably haven’t tried hard enough.

 

[Cats Betty Sleep (with little Roary)]

32  But yeah, for a full year Betty had been Roary’s Guardian Angel, especially great because she was House Alpha, giving Roary the feeling of being Prince of the House.  [Cats  Roary Betty Foxxy ] The only problem with Betty was that she controlled access to me with the other cats who weren’t especially on her Friends List, so I’d have to go to them for their Quality Times, as they wouldn’t have Betty’s permission to come to me, not while she was in the same room.  [Cats  Betty Foxxy Roary]  And, no, it wasn’t obvious.  It was like the Cats decided all their own rules without consulting me.  So, yeah, for anybody who lives in a Multicat Household, well, you can’t assume that some of your cats are aloof because they don’t love you, no, maybe you just have to wait, and you’ll find that when one of your Close Loving  Cats die, that one of your Aloof Cats will step in and take his or her place, probably like what they agreed to all along.  Yeah, I learned that after Betty died, and Norabora came back to reclaim my Heart.    [Cats   me and Norabora]  Yeah, Norabora had been the first new Kitten 3 years after Foxxy’s arrival, the sweetest most loving Female Cat I’ve ever had, and yeah, she died last year, God Bless her [Cats   Norabora]  but there’s no story of Regret to tell about her… just a feeling of joy whenever I contemplate her memory… she was just full of Love, and not just for me… that sweet thing would sleep with all the guys, you know, Big Bear, Foxxy and then Roary..  

 

[Cats  Foxxy hugging Betty]

33  But, yeah, I guess on the night Betty died, that some pellet that was already inside of her, for the past couple of years, finally cut through some artery or whatever, and she just dropped over dead.   Yeah, maybe having been shot once already was what made her so cautious about ever getting shot again, where she could help it.  Or maybe it was her own obesity that killed her and it was a Stroke or a Coronary that pulled that trigger.   But I have no idea what could explain Foxxy’s Pillow Ear, or the fact that Roary’s Right Eye  was injured and that it still seeps tears.  Yeah, something Weird happened that night.  I thought that only Foxxy and Roary were somehow caught up in this Mystery, but now that I think about it, well, I was drawn into it too, and I carry my own permanent wound, you know, my heart felt painful regrets that I hadn’t taken better care of Foxxy, giving him the kind of care that he would have wanted, and not all that Human Crap I imposed on him.  Yeah, I’m sorry Foxxy.

 

 

[Cats  Foxxy and Norabora]

 

34  Well, Poor Foxxy finally died not long back, probably of kidney failure.  He was endlessly drinking water, but then he wasn’t and then his appetite failed.  He became like a baby again and I’d brush him, prepare his beds for him, and see if he needed to used the litter box every 5 or 6 hours, you know,  everything to make his last days comfortable.  Oh, you know, Dying Cats,  they always try to seclude themselves, but once you bring them out from their first hiding place, well, they surrender into your care, perhaps realizing that they’d want better closure too.  Oh, and remember that their last bed will have to be on the floor, because they won’t be able to jump up or down any more towards the end.  So I always keep my own dry used towels and cloths to place under and around them, where ever it is on the floor that they end up.  Yeah, it’s my hope that my scent on their bedding would help to comfort them.  

 

35  But, yeah, eventually Foxxy dropped into a Coma, or whatever it is when they only take one breath every seven seconds or so, and more and more his posture was slipping into that of the Dead Cat Pose.  I’d check on him every few hours through the night and he was still alive in the morning, as the sun came up.  Well, so I decided to sit down on the floor with him for a while, and I was glad that I had.  I was stroking him gently with his favorite “Brushy Brushy”, and then I leaned down and kissed his darling little head, and I said what I had so often thought, “I’m sorry Foxxy,  I la oo good” [kissie noises],  and that was when he gave a little jerk, with his chin tucking down just a little bit, and then there was no more breathing.   Foxxy had slipped and flown his mortal coils.  God Bless you Foxxy… I’ll love you forever.       

 

36   But Life goes on.   [Roary and Gloria sleeping on the Work Bench]    yeah, Here’s a photo today of Big Bear Roary with his Little Sister Gloria.  See how happy they are?... yeah, even with that tear still in Roary’s right eye.   Oh! And look at this next Photo: [Cats   Tommy, Franky, Gloria on Shelf] Yeah, that’s Little Siamese Tommy on the end  – he’s still little, but as full grown up as he’s ever going to get.  And then there’s his  Younger but much Bigger Brother Franky Blue, who seems to have taken over for Foxxy, being the Pillar of Peace and Harmony in the House, and of course there’s their pretty Little Sister Gloria, the most beautiful Girl in the World… or that’s what her 4 guys think, and its our opinion that she likes us too.   But, yeah, you can’t take happiness like this for granted… so we’ll all keep praying to God, and be as jumpy as cats when it comes to trouble.  

 

 So, yeah, that’s my Video.  Thanks everybody.  I’ll try to come up with something else soon.